If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
