i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
