He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
