I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
