I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
