just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
