I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
