I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
