My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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