He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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