He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
