She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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