1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i dont even know how to be here
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
