I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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