He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
