I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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