he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
