you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
