there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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