I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
