she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
4 words: hood of his car
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize