i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
