Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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