you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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