Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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