I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
