My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
