how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
