You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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