Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
