mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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