FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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