she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
