Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
