i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
