No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
