It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she peed on how many people?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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