my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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