My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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