apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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