Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I deserve this hangover.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
