dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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