reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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