My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
