Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Fuck appropriateness.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
