i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
