I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
