the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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