hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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