My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
