We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
