And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
