actually, I'm a sock model
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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