I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're a waste of cheezeits
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
