so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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