I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
