she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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