Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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