You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize