so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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