At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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