This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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