my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
