so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
