I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
