I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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