in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
