Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
