Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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