We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
