He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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