So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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