Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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