if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
