Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
