does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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