She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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